“The warriors of my tribe would call you ‘woman who knows too much and it has made you crazy’.  Your curse is that you have to live with yourself”¸ He said.

Clel’s always popping off saying something like that.  Something that plain makes me laugh.  People call him crazy, too, half Apache, half Mexican, and proud of it, a real firecracker.  Of course, it’s his craziness I find thoroughly enjoyable about him.  He’s astute, with much insight and, is totally clueless. 

My Husband spoke up, “Maybe the curse is living with the rest of us?”

At that, I started to laugh.  “It’s a real experience all right, like living with a bunch of Helen Keller dolls.  The only way I know how to be of service is to try my best to stay out of the way most of the time.  If I could find a way to communicate I’d do it.”

My Husband rolled his eyes.  “That doesn’t sound very complimentary.”

“That depends on how we choose to take it.  Offense can only be taken.  If your goal is blindness, then I pay you a compliment of great Respect and Admiration.  You have succeeded in your goal, same as me and everyone else on the planet.  It’s only if we don’t consider ourselves as blind and recognize our goal of blindness, that my statement is less than supportive.   I consider myself part of ‘Us’.  I’ve been blind.  I’ve been deaf.  And I sure as hell have been dumb.  Being able to admit it and accept it is the cure for it.   I haven’t met a One of Us yet who were ignorant on purpose.  We don’t know what we don’t know.  We’ve all been there. 

Being able to see myself as I am, not as I wish to be seen, creates the inspiration within me for change.  What I know as ‘True Repentance’.  When I see myself in a mirror and don’t like what I see, I’m inspired to change.  If I want to change the reflection, I need to change what’s doing the reflecting.  Show myself improved.  I’m talking about the kind of Redemption that can only be found within the cave of our own hearts.

 

 It’s like looking at myself in jogging pants and a baggy sweatshirt, inspires me to go change my clothes.  Better yet, it’s the picture entitled ‘Vanity’.  You know the one I mean.  From one perspective, it appears to be a fine lady sitting in front of her dressing table but then you get a good look at it and…it’s a picture of a skull. 

 

I remind you that Helen Keller was a magnificent woman.  She radiated much Light of Understanding into the worlds of those we labeled ‘defective’.  She was truly brilliant.  Once her world within was unlocked and ways of expression learned, we could all recognize it.  It’s the same with the rest of us, once we begin to unlock what’s within us.

Brilliance.  That’s what within us.  Every single One of Us.  Resourcefulness, too.  To the extent we don’t know it, is the extent our veils are blinding us to it.”

“Veils?” my Husband asks.

Blinders, screens, filters that obscure, veils.   The only reason everyone isn’t aware is because of the filters.  Try imagining sunglasses instead of veils.  If I put on a hundred pair of sunglasses, I wouldn’t be able to see much of anything, if anything.  It would appear to me that nothing was there, no matter what was there.  Reminds me of a little kid that thinks if they cover their eyes, I can’t see them.  If I want to see, I need to start removing the sunglasses, one pair at a time.

It’s the same way with our veils.  And these veils are made of our beliefs.”

 

"What we think?"

 

“Not necessarily.  Our beliefs are what we really feel in our Hearts.  Our heads aren’t in contact with our Hearts a lot of the time.  Intimacy is a BIG issue for a great many of us.  So whether my thoughts accurately reflect my beliefs is questionable - sometimes, yes, most of the time, no.  We don’t think we’re blind.  We believe we are.

 

We knock our lights out then complain it’s dark.”

 

“What do you mean ‘knock our lights out’?”

 

“We stick a finger in our eye then complain that something’s in it.

 

We don’t believe we’re capable of knowing ‘God’, so…we don’t. 

 

Like I’ve said, ‘The only way to overlook the obvious is not to look.’

 

There’s a belief that ‘God’ is beyond a Human Being’s capacity to know and understand.  That belief is what I call ‘knocking our lights out’.  It negates our minds, our cognitive ability, our ability to associate ideas, and our capacity of imagination.  And let’s not forget our Intuition.  This belief in ‘not knowing’ is Ignorance: Perpetual, congenital, ignorance.  It has been specifically written that we were made in ‘God’s’ image.  Unless ‘god’ is a dumb-ass, there’s no reason we should be.

 

I don’t accept the idea that ’God’ is beyond our capacity to know and understand.  I refuse to negate and dishonor the Ever Loving Mind I have and am Sovereign over.  If I divorce myself from my tool of Understanding, then I won’t understand, that’s for sure.  Just as poking my eyes out insures I’ll be blind.

 

It’s simply a matter of perspective who’s really crazy.  I’m not crazy; the World is.”

 

“That’s one of the classic symptoms of being crazy: thinking it’s not you”, says Hubby.

 

“You’re right.  I did question myself, long ago.  I ‘studied’ and now show myself improved.  I used to be crazy, too, so long as I thought and believed the way the World taught me to think and believe.  I was young then and naïve.  The World’s pattern of thought is all conflicted.

 

I’ve got my own litmus test for crazy:  Making sense.  I make sense.   The beliefs of the World, don’t.  If anything, I’m too sane.  No matter how long it takes me to talk in circles, I always make a point.  And when I do, I’ve come full circle.  It’s called ‘complete’.

 

"The only way to overlook the obvious is not to look?" 

 

“Precisely.  Once I’ve negated my tool of Understanding, there’s clearly no way I’m going to Understand, no way I’m ever going to experience Understanding and, no way I’m going to respond to life in an Understanding way.  I can’t give what I haven’t got.

 

If we don’t believe we can Understand, we won’t put forth any effort to even try.  Understanding being a door that is closed to us, we’ll concentrate of being ‘right’ instead.  We have to ask ourselves what we really believe in.  Being Right?  Being Righteous?   One does not necessarily mean the other.

 

Blind faith required I live that Faith, blind, without Understanding.  Once Understanding sunk in, I wasn’t blind anymore.  I was so riddled with Self Doubt, so desperate for feeling loved and accepted that it was like using 2 paper bags to ‘make love’ to an ugly ‘John’, the first bag to mask his face, the other  used to mask mine in case his fell off.  That’s what ‘blind faith’ felt like to me.

 

“That sounds awful!  What do you really mean?” Clel asks.

“Blind faith asked me to worship a psychologically repulsive persona, ‘the ugly john’.  ‘John’ because ‘love’ and ‘acceptance’ are extended by condition only, which means there is bartering going on.  This is commerce, affection and embrace for a price.  That tells me it’s ‘need’ disguising itself as ‘love’, for genuine Love extends itself freely.  ‘Ugly’, because of the beliefs: beliefs in being conditional, judgmental, rejecting, vindictive, jealous, angry, possessive and abandoning. 

The persona is so ugly and repulsive that I had to blind myself to it.  The bag over his head masked his hideous face.  The bag over my head masked my face, in case his fell off, for I could not hide what I truly felt.  There was truly and genuinely no way I was ever going to feel love and attraction towards this repulsive persona, much less adoration.  So I hid my face to mask my shame and deceit.  This was a relationship pattern between me and ‘God’, or the Universe, the ‘Holy Spirit’, imagined as one of ‘need’.  This wasn’t ‘love making’.  It was prostitution, with my emotions being raped at the same time.

 

I won’t divorce myself from the Universal Principal of cause and effect, reaping and sowing.  ‘Adoration’ is a consequence of being ‘Adorable’.  You BE adorable and I’ll adore you.  I hardly find the condemning, rejecting and emotionally insecure ‘god’ the World taught me about adorable at all.  Far from it.  I don’t happen to see condemnation, vengeance, retribution and abandonment as Loving much less Lovable.   This God isn’t attractive.  The persona is insecure and limited.  Not my kind of ideal…a limited unlimited.  And the purpose of this ugly persona is to repulse us.  To motivate us to avoid ‘Intimacy’ at all costs - to ‘Know’ God, to ‘Understand’ God, the Unconditionally Loving One, with the beautiful face and comforting embrace.

Always embraces all ways.

I admit my perspective has to do with my choice of values, what I find of value and what I qualify as valuable.  To Value means to Love.  Here’s a good question:  What’s the Value of any value system founded on a lack of value?  Absolutely nothing.  Yet, that’s the value system most of us believe in and have been trying to live.”

 

“A Value system founded on lack of Value?”

 

“Yes.  The World’s Value system is founded on lack of Value.  Denial.  Specifically, Self Denial, which in turn creates states of emotional neediness.  The less Loving a belief is, the more valuable it is to the majority of us, since that majority believes in Love only upon condition. 

 

This isn’t ‘Love’ in the first place.  It’s the lack of it…it’s ‘need’.  Us that don’t have, seek to ‘get’, through barter, through trade and any other means necessary: force, coercion, subversion, extortion, etc.    We’ve created a global economy based on emotional insecurity:  Loving the lack of Love.  A Value system with no valuing in it, which in turn created an economy with no sense of economy in it and I’m the one that is called ‘crazy’.  It’s really comical.  Being called crazy by a World that’s insane isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 

As for this value system’s ‘moral code’, it is essentially a code of conduct for the amoral, just like Ayn Rand said.”

“A moral code for the amoral?”

 

“Yes.  ‘Moral’ means that which is chosen.  What with all the conditions placed on being loved and accepted, freedom of choice is negated.  If I take choice out of the picture, then no ‘morals’ are possible.  It becomes a code, not of morality but of a-morality. 

Any code that only promises rewards upon death isn’t a code that supports Life.  The purpose and goal of the code is focused on dying and associating as much fear with it as possible.  Forget about living in Integrity with this code. It’s impossible to both live and die at the same time and place in the same dimension.  So long as we live, we live in conflict with this code.

Just as soon as I came to this realization myself, I changed my code.  Most of us don’t even realize it’s a code of death we really believe in.  We think we Love Life.  But Fear of Death is not a Love for Life nor does it bring to us the Wisdom to support and nurture it.

What we worship with every breath of our Life, is death.  It’s subliminal for most of us, but it’s there if we but allow ourselves to look and ponder.  But we must look seeking Understanding instead of being ‘right’.  If there is imagined a possibility of torture, pain and suffering upon Death, then Death becomes feared.  This fear can then be used as a whip to control and enslave populations of People.

If you look around our World, it’s obvious what beliefs are being expressed – conflicted ones.   The World uses Swords of Mind to draw lines.  I don’t draw lines anymore and I erased the ones I did have.  I claimed responsibility for my drop in our collective bucket and sought to end conflict where it got its beginning, inside of me.

My values start with sense, as in making some.  According to the Laws of Magnetic Resonance and Correspondence, sense = cents.  See where a lack of it has gotten us? 

 

The goal of my Life isn’t to reach death’s door through as much suffering as possible for an undetermined quantity of afterlife brownie points.  The goal of my Life is to live the one I’ve been given to the fullest.

Ponder these thoughts for a while…What’s an ‘All That Is’ got to be jealous of?  And Possessive, what’s that all about?  What else is there besides ‘All That Is, Was and Ever Will Be’ to possess, to need?  That’s silly.  Love extends Itself for the Joy of extending itself.  Love doesn’t need anything in return.  No conditions.  No lines drawn separating reality.  No One left out, rejected or abandoned. 

I simply refuse to be dumb just as I refuse to be blind.  Such is what happens when we open the door to our Hearts and allow the Essence of Understanding in.  It’s like light bulbs going off inside us - One ‘Aha!’ moment after another, followed by a lot of “Duhs”.

We start seeking to add things up.  ‘Adding things up’ being one of the expressions of Unity.  In order to be ‘Whole’ everything has to add up.  Can’t be any part left out or it isn’t Whole.  ‘Adding things up’ requires the use of our cognitive faculties in creating Understanding, precisely what most religions do not want done.

Understanding expresses itself most basically in our ability to associate and relate ideas.  We play with ideas in our minds like kids play with blocks.  We build concepts.  We build beliefs and belief systems.  We build cultures, civilizations and societies.  This is the faculty of cognitive association and generally speaking, most of us have the use of it.  Should we choose to use it.

Sometimes we call this association of ideas ‘thinking’.  I’m picky about it.  Integration and Integrity are my goals.  They come in a package deal with the experiences of ‘Whole’ and ‘Complete’.  In order for me to give credit for ‘thinking’, there has to be more to it than an emotionally charged hodge-podge of random ideas associated in such a way that nothing makes any sense.  ‘Adding things up’ requires the use of Reason.  Reasoning is a process that associates ideas in ways where nothing is negated and no contradictions are made.  It used to be known as ‘common sense’, since this faculty of Reason is common to All of us.

According to my Understanding, the thought patterns of our World in no way resemble much in the way of thinking.  The patterns are unsound, just like our financial practices have been.  Proper parroting, I call the patterns, definitely not thinking.  What’s considered ‘proper’ is to Parrot.  That’s why I’m ‘improper’ because I don’t Parrot.  I’m not reflecting to the World, what the World expects reflected.  I’m mirroring something else.”

“Parrot?” Clel pipes up.  “Nothing sucks seeds like a Parrot.”

“Very funny.  I have a different idea of what it means to succeed besides sucking seeds.  By ‘parroting’ I mean that the majority of us have never entertained an independent thought.  The only ideas in our heads are those put there by our family, our religions and, our governments.  We don’t question.  We’re Parrots.

“Bird brains? Asks Clel.

 

“I didn’t say it; you did.  I give the birds more credit.”

 

“Now you’re getting downright mean”, says Clel.

 

“I’m being truthful and honest.  ‘Mean’ is a judgment of qualification because you didn’t like what I said.  It doesn’t mean I’m ‘mean’.  It simply means you didn’t like it.

I don’t give the birds capacity to think.  A bird’s brain isn’t that big.  It’s not big enough to process information.  It’s not big enough to store information, like all the directions needed to fly south for the winter.  And since I haven’t spotted any bluebirdietooth devices they use to communicate when to turn in formation, I know they rely on their senses, specifically their ability to sense gravitational fields.  I call them E-senses.  Like the basic Essence of Life that pervades and acts to support and nurture all Life - ‘Instinct’ in plants and animals, ‘Intuition’ in Human Beings - Same song of Life, just different octaves of expression in a vast orchestra of consciousness.

Birds don’t have the same freedom of choice to divorce themselves from their means of awareness as we do.  A bird can’t choose to short circuit it’s Love for its own Life.  It’s only Human Beings that have the free choice to negate our most basic ‘Instinct’ - Our Love for Life.  And the majority of us have done it.

We draw lines of limitation, endeavoring to emulate historical ideals that were products of the imagination of a ragtag bunch of primitive nomadic tribes.  Volcano blowing up was understood to mean the ‘gods’ must be displeased.  Or better yet, that ‘god’ was offended and demanded some form of restitution in the manner of sacrifice.  A god that needs - An impotent Omnipotence.

 

We, Humanity, didn’t even understand our World was round back then.  Even now, we’re somewhat questionable.  One of us spouted off that Hurricane Katrina was ‘god’s’ punishment for New Orleans being a city of ‘sin’ and another accused the earthquakes in Haiti were forms of retributions for their evil, or maybe the comments were from the same person.  I don’t know.  What I do notice is how blind, ignorant and ‘righteous’ we can be, all while being truly devoted to being a ‘good’ person.  We simply have different ideas about what it means to be ‘good’.  It’s why I concentrate on what is Loving, instead. 

 

If I claim to see evil, than it’s obvious I’m the one that’s ‘evil minded’.   The very idea is in my head.   I’ve just expressed I’m lacking in substance of character and living in denial about it.   What would I expect to attract as a mirror of me?  How many wars have been fought between pot and kettle over who’s the blackest?”

If I built my house below sea level, downhill from a lake, I shouldn’t be surprised when water comes into my kitchen.  Just as if I built my house on the side of an active volcano I shouldn’t be surprised by lava in my living room.  Or be too surprised by the consequences of creating an economy divorced from the principle of ‘economy’ itself - or in confusing potential with realized in believing credit the same as cash. 

Making choices in defiance of reality is one thing.  It usually involves unpleasant consequences and costs, as reality has a way of defying us instead.  Offending some sort of insecure deity is quite another thing.  One perspective I’m empowered to correct; the other I’ll continue being a victim of.

I give most of us credit for acquiring some smarts over the past few thousands of years.  We didn’t stagnate.  We’re Living Beings.  We’ve grown in our understanding of our World and now, maybe it’s time we grew in our Understanding of ourselves.”

 

“Primitive tribes?  Were you insulting my tribal culture?’ hollers Clel.

 

“I’m talking about the nomadic tribes of thousands of years ago, that were interspersed throughout the Middle East and Europe, our ‘cradle of civilization’ for Western Culture.  Our current culture is riddled and infiltrated with primitive beliefs: taboos, fetishes and superstitions.  From a time in history when what passed for ‘god’ in our imagination, was simply a bigger version of ourselves and, just as limited in terms of Understanding and Compassion.  Later, these beliefs were translated into ‘sins’. 

 

We’re blind to the fact that such beliefs express our own limitations.  Where we’ve drawn lines and chosen to pick up swords, repeating the past.”

 

“You mentioned drawing lines a couple of times.  What do you mean?”

“I mean we draw lines when it comes to Loving Life.  ‘Life’ is an experience.  And we draw lines when it comes to what experiences we willingly embrace with Understanding, Acceptance, Tolerance, Compassion and Mercy.  A full cup is a full cup.  Straight stick, crooked stick, a stick is still a stick.  Life is well, Life. 

 

What Eastern mystics call ‘Karma’ is nothing more than Self-judgment, where all these lines have been drawn, representing different conditions of exclusion and rejection.  The goal and purpose of our Soul is to realize being “one with all that is”, so we’re going to have to begin embracing what we have rejected sometime.  Eternity is Patient.  We have as much time as we make of it, literally.   

 Look at the relationship we have with Life, with ‘God’, with the Unified Quantum Field.  Is it limited?  What do we reject?  What experiences in Life have we and do we, pick up our swords of Mind, label ‘negative’ and, endeavor to separate ourselves from?  Every moment is a Present, whether that moment is happy or sad.  How often are we appreciative and grateful for our Presents?  How often do we smile through our tears?

 

How much do we Love Life?

 

It doesn’t matter what side I choose in a polarity game, red or blue.  A polarity game is a game of separation.  It’s why I don’t play.  Choosing to try to live a reality divided into parts, like right and wrong, good and bad, light and dark, etc., was choosing to live in conflict, with these conflictions thrown into my face or mirrored by reality every moment of my life.  This was too stressful to me; the inner conflict was tearing me apart. 

 

I found the only winning move was not to play the game.  And the only way out of it was through Understanding the Unity of Life, as Christ and other “sons of god” have exemplified. 

“Other sons of God?  What are you talking about?”

“‘Christ” is a state of awareness, a state of consciousness.  ‘I am a son of man and a son of god.’ ‘I am human and I am divine.’  There have been many in our world’s histories that have attained this state of evolution.   It is a natural progression of all states of awareness.  Every religion has its Mysteries branch, most often excluded from what has been taught the general public.  It’s veiled in symbols but it’s all there. It’s a dance of life, just feel the rhythm and follow the steps.

The current Understanding of ‘Christianity’ doesn’t have much Christ in it.   I’d call what was created a ‘Jesus cult’.  Jesus represents carrying around a burden of Guilt, that’s what we focused on, as well as, the pain and suffering.  Christ represents freedom from it.  Ones wears a crown of Thorns, the other, carries a Lily.  One is a victim and the other a Sovereign Being.   Guilt and Forgiveness are mutually exclusive terms.  Not a One of Us going around whipping ourselves with guilt over some imagined ‘sin’ genuinely believes in Christ.

“You’re stepping on quite a few toes, Honey,” says my loving Husband.

“I know.  I’ve been accused of being ‘anti-every religion I know’ at one time or another.   A lot of people blow a fuse when I mention ‘reaping and sowing’ and relate it to beliefs founded in arrogance, bias, supremacy, and prejudice.  Religious arrogance, religious bias, religious supremacy and religious prejudice.  Beliefs in ‘a chosen’ imply there are ‘them who are not’.   Arrogance and ideas of supremacy and exclusion aren’t Loving, no matter the basis.

 

It’s what I was saying about the difference between what we think and what we believe.  We think we’re ‘Christians’ if we think about it at all.  “Christian” actually means Christ-like linguistically, when what we truly believe in, is Guilt.   Limitation is the World’s Passion; Expansion of the Kingdom, mine.  Nothing separates Heaven from Earth unless I choose to see it that way.  This is where the World and I differ.  I don’t choose to see it that way.  And I don’t choose to keep my mouth shut about it anymore, either.  Enough is enough.  I love lilies, not thorns.

 

I don’t idolize man-made nonsense, as in, a limited Unlimited or an impotent Omnipotence.  It’s Understanding and Compassion I value, not Condemnation and Rejection.  Sooner or later, were all going to realize that the abstract can only be brought down to earth by choice.  This requires we cease our knee jerk reactions to judge and condemn, drawing lines of separation and, start building a healthier relationship with Life through Understanding. “